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I have been hearing a lot of ghost stories lately, and found myself meddling the sense of it in my brain. The top act was when I got this email from my pal in Jakarta about scariest places in Jakarta. I read through it, found it even more mind-boggling. Along with many scariest places he mentioned, there are 2 that have some sightings of kid ghosts, or should we call here: "kidost" (Kiddy ghost), and then there is one guy from way back in dutch colonial era, and there are many oh so many places invested by pretty female ghosts. Instead of getting spooked, I get this niggling wonderment about, how is it people become ghost in da first place. What did they do. Is it a punishment, cuz you cant go to ..oh idk....appropriate place to be when you die or somethin or why is there such an in between place between earth and above earth (or is it beyond)
Now, This takes me back to the concept of Heaven and Hell. Which I recalled are the place to choose once your time is up. I put the word "choose" here, becuz, it should correspond to your action in life. You CAN choose where you want to go. Obviously, all wants to go to heaven, but same as many choices we have in our life, there are halting elements. You cant just say you want, but neglecting the course of action requires to be taken, or simply oblivious to the consequences. When you say you W A N T, there are certain menus you have to follow. Just like clicking something on the internet, it'll automatically take you to the path where you are heading. In my mind, things are quite simple. You do good? Heaven. Bad? Hell. Good? Candy. Bad? Poison. Those kinda thing. You do even numbers of both? Weigh it out. If your bad supercede your good? Burn! And Vice versa. So where does this ghost world lie in? It aint quite Heaven (of course). Certainly a living ghost hell but not quite hell yet. Why? What constitute it? What is it that these people lacking (or possess more) than the people who don't get the ticket to ghost world. Is it attitude, the way you carry your life, the way you die, how well you die or how bad you die, or what? And why do they linger for so long (assuming that since the ghost from dutch era is still there haunting people) without a way of redemption. What puzzle me more is that, why is there kid ghost? Kids are purest being. Sinless. Clean and untainted. How come they become ghost? Shouldn't there be a place reserved for them alredy? Like Kid's heaven. Where there are plenty of toys all around without time limit to amuse their ass off? These questions lead me to my wonderment of their nature. What is ghost. Do they live? Do they have their own real estate, social group, time counts, or even values on how to be a good ghost. Are they what you call a "spirit"? or an Energy. Left bare after the parting of body and soul. So what here, they're not "soul"? exactly how many parts of human beings anyway? I know body which is physical. I know soul, which is metaphysical. So what are energy or spirit? where do they belong? Do they have their own king or president, senior or junior citizen. How come European ghost never appear in ...oh say...Java. How come Kuntilanak, never make her grand appearance in ohh.. say...Milwaukee. Are they territorial? Are they direction blind? (I used to think its cool to be ghost since you don't have to pay aifare to travel) But.. do they travel? If they do.. it'd be mighty cool to be a ghost. How do they get there in the first place. Is it becuz they sin so much in life? (why is there hell for), Do they die in such a painful way so they cant find the way to hell or heaven? But, damn. This what got me confused. Why God create these 2 places (hell or heaven) if eventually there'd be some people who'd stray and wouldn't find their way? Why do they stray? Is this somekind of punishment for what they've done in life? But...Shouldn't God be the most forgiving being that He/She can foresee and absolve this? Is ghost somekind of entity that needs to be forgiven? Or are they just normal being that just poor outta luck? Simply took a wrong turn one day and boom. Be ghost. Like those wrong turn we do from time to time, "shit! I miss my exit!" kinda thing? And make a hell ass shot to get back and get that right turn. Is that what ghost is? Is that how they stray? Poor bastards. What Is Ghost. Or even....IS THERE EVEN SUCH THING AS GHOST? Thursday, March 18, 2004
So hey. Havent written anything for coupla days. My computer got sucked down into some weird technology blunder and it decided to stop. cold turkey. on me. It was a growing process of emotions..this without computer thing. I experienced pretty much everything : Indifference -- Irritated-- Irritated a bit more-- then a wee bit more-- Panick settled in (2 days w/o comp provin to have turned my office into some kid hell) -- some moree panick -- a lot more panick (3 days w/o comp proven to have turned me into some freecell windows game expert and also a mumblin idiot) -- BIG PANIC -- MOOORE BIG PANIC (throw in some mighty sensitive bitch mode) -- finally an EXPLOSION. Ahh. yes. finally I got in to a huge dramatic fight with my co worker. He yelled. I yelled. Both trapped in some monstrous fit. Then I cried. Yes. Today? I cried. over some dramatic humpy fit of not having a computer. It is really difficult to express how i feel afterwards. It is almost like those moments when the storm cease to hurl. Strange silence and calmness. Almost like holding breath under water. All clearer yet more closing. I regret the whole burst of emotion thing and wish that I had been wiser. Wish things didnt happen that way. But... hmm... et nihil humanun. We are only human. We do shit things. and wish we didnt release those craps. We look ahead shoving whats been done, and hope we'd get wiser. But we never do get wiser. Cuz life evolve in so much frenzy, we forget what path we took. what lesson we reaped. We end up steppin on the same (but different smell) of crap, and -- wishin all over again to not do the shit. Then--all over again-- we look ahead. shoving whats been done, and hope we'd get wiser. Life is a circle. We're bound to step on shit and wish we'd worn some protection boots. But we never do. We always go barefeet. and bound to get smelly. Im not makin any sense. Im just deppressed. Huggin myself. Monday, March 08, 2004
So there I was, writing a goddamned monthly report, snarling, complete with wicked side glance, uttered a sweet yet deadly comment to him, "You do have a gist to show up here without an appointment, don't ya? Some people don't consider that entertaining you know" He laughed (oh! That fake sugar coated laugh! I want to kill this guy) and said "Iya doong. I like to surprise you" (translation: Iya doong =Yes, of course) Now, there only 2 possibilities on this: 1. He stupid enough not to see my parading that "If look could kill..." look. 2. He's nervous, and tried to cover it up by saying the most ridiculous dumbass stuff which takes me back to my first suspicion (that he's stupid) cuz -- YOU DON'T CHALLENGE THE MOST VALID SARCASM WITH A DENSE COMEBACK!!! (especially not when you see that the person means it!) Then, believe it or not? He tried to make a joke out of it. He said "Wow, you look like you mean it," (I raised one of my eyebrow) Duh! Ya of course I mean it. What are you made of? Some stupid 4 colored velvety freakos known to scare parents shitless by saying.. "berpelukaaan!" fuckin teletubbies??? I didn't say anything. I sighed tho, while forcing a smile. Then he sat there in my office, looking mightily comfortable. ( Oh dear lord, what exactly went through your mind when creating this...being). I gave up. Produced his contract, and handed to him. Then he gave me this look like I was a dumb secretary, and said, "pulpennya dong" (translation: wheres the pen). Oh! That is it!! Time to bite his head off. I snapped "You came here to sign a contract, careless of what my schedule is, and didn't bring a pen??". He looked at me and jokingly said, "I am a musician. Why would I bring a pen. Its not my job". I was in awe. Well...I then should humbly resigned. For this is waaay beyond my comprehension. I just cant force myself to swim along the pond of idiocy with this guy. I smiled my sweet sweet smile, handed him the pen, let him signed the contract, put him in my payroll, and made the time to make him feel like he has conquered the world, waved at him while he walked off with satisfied smiles. I mean, dude. If the guy wants to stay stupid, let him be clueless and feel like a king in the process, by all means. Sigh. There should be a Fine for being a dumbass. Ya. Im dumb. Heres 50 thou. Yes. PMS kicked in and Yes. Im a bitch. Sorry. PMS went over my head. Unnecessary rants Wednesday, March 03, 2004
I was gettin outta car this morning, when this flabby lookin fuck was ooglin me with some obvious stare that is just too sickening to be deemed as flattery. I looked away and pretended not to see him and went about my business, but his tailgazing me went increasingly annoying. I decided then to stop whatever i was doing, walked to approach this stupid fuck, and took my time to stare up and down. To my surprise, he didnt back down. He got off his bike, (for some reason that only he and God knows) took his helmet with him, stood infront of me and stared back. We did this for like - oh i dont know- maybe 5 seconds? but it felt a hella a lot longer, when suddenly I was being pulled back by that tiny lil voice inside me saying -- really Ipong, just give this hideous man that precious time of your life!-- Snapped back to the "rational me" (or more "the me" who is living in the island of jokes), i pulled my stare away, walked away and stole the winning opportunity by retorting " Ada apa pak liat liat?". Walking away, i could hear him shouting some balinese curse towards me. I smiled. Too late, chico! I had the moment, and you? my friend? got the ass to talk to.
Sigh. Balinese males are allowed to look at any female in the most offensive and disturbing way, and get away with it. I love Bali. Tuesday, March 02, 2004
What do you say if you arent interested in someone anymore. How do you do it without sounding like a bitch or meanspirited.
" SO ya. Guess what, I dont wanna hear from you anymore" " So.. Whats new? Really? well.. not much for me. Except, Im bored. No. not with my life. With what you said? well... if you must know, its with you actually.." "oh, know what? I just got mugged, they took my phone, my computer, and all other communication tools there is. so... I cant talk to you nomore. Too bad. Bye" "Babe, you are a sweet sweet guy. But we just dont work" "Get outta my life. Get outta my life. Get outta my life." "You're boring. You're boring. You're boring" "No. Im her bestfriend, and I have bad news for you. She's gone. She was submitted to mental hosp. last nite. Ya. She couldnt remember anyone. Nope. Not anyone. and by anyone I mean, Everyone. Including herself. Yup. She's mental. horrifyingly mental. Yup" Sigh. I'm bored. Monday, March 01, 2004
Biola Tak Berdawai With the help of the slow and heaving plot, the movie achieved the new level of absurdity in materializing realistic art into this medium of entertainment. Where I as a person and a viewer and a seeker of entertainment sit there and forced to bewilderment, looking for some sort of message the movie is trying to convey. Regardless of the artistic finish and clever placement of the soundtrack (I have to admit the movie did a remarkable job), the movie effectively leads us into stale-ness. Forces us, the viewer, to ask ourselves the question of "why in the hell i am actually watching this sappy attention whoring wannabe artistic piece of seluloid?". And 20 minutes later, the question of "why am i still sitting here holding myself back in so much effort to not press the fast forward button?" and 20 minutes later -- (insert blank emoticon). I am being too harsh, you said? Well maybe I am. But let us see why, shall we? The story is obviously a middle-of-the-road melodramatic. A little over the top in dramatic portion I must say. It hardly poses any realistic bits, let alone a generally lifelike (slash) sensible story. What it does pose is a self-pity melodramatic tale with unrealistic characters. I will come to details later on. Keep reading. In my personal opinion, the importance of a movie is actually the way it reaches the viewers. A simple sensation of how it touches our reality. That bits when we feel what the character feels, filled with angst when they're in sorrow, sad when they shed tears. This can only be achieved if the movie touches our very basic reality with its story and its characters. And regretfully I have to say that this movie doesn't propose such reality. What it does propose is a question I keep on asking myself whether characters like these really exist in our life. If they do, do they really have such thought process as depict in the movie. We should never ask that kind of question when watching a movie. We should feel that it is our reality, or if its not, at least it is the reality we can relate to. (This explains why AADC gained such a huge success.) One message however did successfully convey. That is how fast the movie is forgotten. I did have such a short lasting impression and loose the trace of the movie as soon as I get up and leave to fix my dinner. It doesn't leave me with much taste, except the foul one that is the fact that I spent so much time watching it. I have to admit that I put on such high expectation on the actors. I was let down at the end by their performances. Ria Irawan delivered an unconvincing acting as a woman who was traumatized by her past experience as a ballet dancer and as an aborter (read: woman who is by will chooses to abort her pregnancy). The major disappointment on her acting is that she looks like she is acting and trying hard to project the pain her character is carrying. The pain doesn't dissolve in her character, It becomes a mere lines read by her. (And don't let me start on the romantic scenes. It is simply hilarious). And Ria, oh my dear talented Ria.. If you had to act as a dancer, please. please. learn how to dance properly. Make it belieavable baby. It would be really hard to believe that a "used to be" ballerina, who was forced to leave her never-ending love of dancing to some traumatizing experience, has such stiff legs. I think even Pinocchio stands a better chance in dancing than you. No offense girl, but...Really. Jajang C. Noer, who I regard as a senior actor also delivered a confusing acting. There are no shreds of realistic acting in her performances. She plays a bitter doctor who enjoys tarot card prophecy in her spare time. What bewilders me is the contradiction in her character as doctor who in daily basis put extra strengths to save unwanted and handicapped babies, but managed to be so judgmental when put in the situation where her friend (Ria Irawan) confessed that she once had her share of an abortion. The depiction is simply nonsensical. I find it hard to gain some logical explanation for this behavior. First of all, doctors are trained to be very logical, most even adopt the tendency to be "cold" in facing such sickness or issues related to sickness. (My sister is a doctor, and the whole family loves to ask her little "what happened to me" questions everytime they feel something wrong. And how she handles it? Veeeery cool and collected. Even at the time when i told her that i thought I've found a lump in my breast -- which turned out to be nothing. (oy! settle down. Im fine!) She was oh-so-doctory about it. And look around, 99% of doctors are like that.) The fact that a pediatrician (child doctor - Jajang's character) enjoys playing tarot card and actually --BELIEVE-- in it, just simple outta reach. It is an unrealistic character depiction. I think the writer forgets to do some character research to make this character believable. And Second of all (and what makes this character worse I think), she carries the lines in slow and mysterious manner, which leave me frowning and ask, "who talks like that". Seriously. Nicolas Saputra, falls into the same Rangga Character in Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (a successful teen movie) rather than a struggling musician who falls hard in love with a woman far above his age. Musician that gets wilted over and over again in life therefore gains so much wisdom in life. He looks more like an angst-ridden teenager to me. However I have to give him credit for the rather convincing acting as a violinist. And... I guess listening to how far off the accent between Nicholas and his acting counterparts is rather entertaining. Lemme put it this way, Nicholas talks like average Jakartan teen nowadays, and Jajang and Ria talk like well...average teens as well -- IN THE 80's!. Maaan, the speech disparity is just too fat to slip our notice. And lastly. The handicapped kid in the movie. Whats up with that. What is he there? and more importantly, WHY? To what importance? SO that Ria can look like a caring and longing mommy wannabe? Ok. fine. But why?? I failed to see reason behind creating this handicapped kid character. He serves mainly as decoration in the movie. There aint any explanation about this kid, and he's not a strong headturning part of cast either. His character seems to be standing apart. He's mainly there as a depiction of -- oohh, Karakternya Ria Irawan itu bikin panti asuhan anak anak yang dibuang toh. Ooooooooo..--- ookay? but why makes this kid handicapped and autistic? why? why? WHY?? (I cant help getting a little dramatic here. Hell, The whole movie is one humpy drama whore. ) All in all, Let me just say that the movie fails to give me, the viewer, a pleasant experience. It is not entertaining. Its waaay too long to watch. . The dialogue is tedious. The characters are bogus. The acting is lame. It is a sleep inducing drug (I'll pull out this movie anytime i got hit by insomnia). I just wonder why this movie received something something award some time ago. Whats to award? Ahhh! Award for the fastest movie ever to put you to sleep, i guess. :) Its all good. No offense, oy chico! These all just my personal opinion.
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about me A little more confused as time goes, but a little more peaceful within the confusion. Learned that nothing will reach perfect balance but the act of balancing that counts. Learned that losing is the way to finding. Learned that sometimes you need to let it happenned to you. I've lost my 2 cats, i was heartbroken for awhile, and ive grown so much since my living days in paradise. I'm close to understanding of what it is, and close to accepting of why it is not.
Reading: Fave book:Fountainhead - Ayn Rand, 5 ppl u meet in heaven, mitch albom, chuck palahniuk all of them, supernove-dee, list is growing.. Listenin to: Woman in You Ben Harper; Sullivan Street, CC; Exit music, Radio Head; Beautiful Mistake, Better than ezra; Left and Leaving, the weakerthans Top 5 band: DMB, CC, the weakerthans, Stevie wonder, Doors, Smiths, nina simone, deatch cab, bright eyes (for the badass lyrics) I like +being trusted +being appreciated +watching people playing comp games +strawberries. It makes me happy +flavored water +wickedly smart people who talks humbly +cd & book stores +bathroom & food section in Supermarket +musicians who sing with eyes closed +puppies and my kitties. +hipster pants +badazz tight Tees +cute colored bras +odd and psychotic disturbed movies +chick & teen flick +sappy emo songs +poetic lyrics +anyone who appreciate my sense of humor +short haired artsy kinda guys +guys who wear black, look deppresed and get away with it +my absentmindedness. gets me to forget unimportant stuffs +sincere and honest people +writing. +spicy food. +shrimp crackers with used cooking oil taste on them +laughing till my guts hurt +...that one guy +new york seen through movies +latino men +warm pretzel, hot earl grey, oversized jammies, and quietness in the middle of wicked rain. I dont like +being manipulated +bring treated like im sturpid +being taken for granted +being teased on something im pretty serious about +stupid people +manja people +people who show up w/o an appointment +worries +small talks +being scrutinized +typing sms +Typical Jakartan girls. Or boys +interminable questioning or blabbering +whiskey. yuck. +tiny little details of everything. It makes me wanna run "the home alone" way, screaming my head off, arms way above my head going aaaaaaaaaaa +being bored +japanese girls. sorry. no reason. I just dont. they bug me +Italian guys. yes. same reason. they bug me
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all around me My e-mail My poetic side Sign my guest book On writing Ive been scribbling gibbers and jabbers, some non important stuff, some stuff that exist only in mu mind, for as long as i can remember. When i was like 9 yrs old, i wrote something poetic in english( based only from my knowledge of english from Six Million Dollar Man & Taxi TV series, and flaunted it to my dad. ALong in there somewhere was this line:... My brain is traffic jam (literal translation for Indonesian of I cant think. My mind is jammed.) I remembered My dad's face when he looked up at my gleaming prideful face with total confusion. It was a sight to see. From then on I was challenged to write more in English, and make such a word outta that "trafic jam" expression. I had a blast. So i continued writing. In english.
Few numbers of attempt in writing novel has been done already. Always stop halfway or sometimes the mere 10% way. I am now turning the table to screen writing and play writing. STill very much a newbie on this one, but I got software from someone who cares enuff to think that i have some potential ( I honestly think that he was just being nice). Workin on 2 stories already and its bitchiiin doin it. Always had the greates time. You know those times when you just dive into it and suddenly hours are gone, and you left with that satisfied look on your smile llike you've been feasting some really good meal with expensive wines. I always thought that I should be a writer. I should do this thing that makes me forget hours. Im just not sure if i am good enuff. ANd that sometimes kills every instinct i have or even slight skill that i seem to posess in writing and put such a huge block in my mind. But i dunno. Im having the greatest time writing. I sometimes prefer to write than talkin to people. People is scary. (and im beginning to sound like a hermit). On Love Well..this is rather difficult. I dont know really. Wisdom that comes from love usually comes with this painful pocket full of coins collected from past failures. Ya dont wanna poke them, really. But to be honest, I dont know jack
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