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Big mistake. Big no no in the non smoking world. You dont go sitting and drinkin cappucino when you are miserable and non smoker. You get your cute ass off and go on shopping, when you are miserable and non smoker. You dont call up your friend inviting them to listen to your crap and a promise to buy coffee, when you are miserable and non smoker. You call them up to get assholed drunk on vodka martinis in cosmolike joint, when you are miserable and non smoker. You buy crapload of gum when you are miserable and non smoker. Not hagging your friend for a fag. (i ve been reading too much of Brits books. Nick must be real happy. heh). And the no 1 rule of miserable and non smoker is: DONT LISTEN TO SAPPY ASS MUSIC! AND DONT! Even think of sliding in that Ben Harper CDS in that player. Those babies are lethal! Trust me on this. Well some of ya, might wonder, where the hell have i been, and what the fuck happened to get me give up smokin....and then givin up give up smokin. Not really much actually. xcept that i saw some gory advert about cervix cancer, and the effect of nicotine on women's health. So, im like. ya. Thats it. We know this thing aint good for ya, yet you keep on inhaling it. Im not going down for my dumbnimity level (bastardizing, watch out). So i thought to myself, if I quit I get nothing to lose and everything to gain. It aint fun. But It aint that bad either. Beside life is not all about fun you know. It's about how high of responsibility you wanna take for your own sorry self. So I said, fuck marlboro. Put the cig up in the air before slam it down in the bin. And since then, Im a non smokin prute. I still hag my friend for a couple of drag, but thats only it... UNTIL LAST SUNDAY............... (Mwuahahahahahaha) Ah, aint that grand, believe me. It is not some kind of glamorous evil scheme happened and bit my beautiful neckline. It aint that fang extravaganza that leaves you mighty dark and miserable. It aint those things really. I just had........ a crush on someone. (blushing outrageously). hehehe. yeah. A man (THANK GOD). Not a boy. A Man. A whole of person who has his share of his own wisdom (and not quoting from some fancy philos, thank you very much). Its a change really. Knowing my taste for younger men --> species i could fool and easily amused with. This time.. its serious shit. I have to get myself ready for the serious game here. It is not somekind of easy manuevers in bed to amuse him. Its more than that. It will involve some actual brain works here. Some intelligent conversation, some slightly biting dark humor, and some serious mind fuck. The game is on. And last sunday. the man won 1 point. Bastard. He took the control by turning the table. He twisted the plot of game, and gained control over my emotions. He had me. Damn him. So i fell into shallow pit of depression. Theeen i fell into some sitting down scene involving cappucino, Nick and Marlboro lights. There i submitted. I broke the code of misreable and non smoker. Damn the man! Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Sometimes, i wish i am not so apathetic and indifferent. I wish that I am more of a happy kind a girl that would find million things to talk about only from the sound of bird chirpin in the morning. Girls who'd seriously willing to tick the polls of "Do you think David Beckham is cheating on his wife" and carefully read the options available to finally answer: - Are you crazy. Have you seen his wife??
yeah. uhmmm...(blank expression).... (lookin around) who the fuck cares anyway? Thursday, April 01, 2004
here's the convo of the non importance. sloh_mo_shun : you know what? sloh_mo_shun : i think this non smokin thing takes away my sense of humour sundriedcheez: whatever sundriedcheez: smoking only made u stinky sloh_mo_shun : stinky but funny sundriedcheez: get a grip sloh_mo_shun:would you rather be with someone who's soooo boring but smells good? sloh_mo_shun: or with someone that is hellishly funny and attractive but stink of cigarette smokes sundriedcheez:GOOD SMELL sundriedcheez:smoking makes my dick limp ......
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about me A little more confused as time goes, but a little more peaceful within the confusion. Learned that nothing will reach perfect balance but the act of balancing that counts. Learned that losing is the way to finding. Learned that sometimes you need to let it happenned to you. I've lost my 2 cats, i was heartbroken for awhile, and ive grown so much since my living days in paradise. I'm close to understanding of what it is, and close to accepting of why it is not.
Reading: Fave book:Fountainhead - Ayn Rand, 5 ppl u meet in heaven, mitch albom, chuck palahniuk all of them, supernove-dee, list is growing.. Listenin to: Woman in You Ben Harper; Sullivan Street, CC; Exit music, Radio Head; Beautiful Mistake, Better than ezra; Left and Leaving, the weakerthans Top 5 band: DMB, CC, the weakerthans, Stevie wonder, Doors, Smiths, nina simone, deatch cab, bright eyes (for the badass lyrics) I like +being trusted +being appreciated +watching people playing comp games +strawberries. It makes me happy +flavored water +wickedly smart people who talks humbly +cd & book stores +bathroom & food section in Supermarket +musicians who sing with eyes closed +puppies and my kitties. +hipster pants +badazz tight Tees +cute colored bras +odd and psychotic disturbed movies +chick & teen flick +sappy emo songs +poetic lyrics +anyone who appreciate my sense of humor +short haired artsy kinda guys +guys who wear black, look deppresed and get away with it +my absentmindedness. gets me to forget unimportant stuffs +sincere and honest people +writing. +spicy food. +shrimp crackers with used cooking oil taste on them +laughing till my guts hurt +...that one guy +new york seen through movies +latino men +warm pretzel, hot earl grey, oversized jammies, and quietness in the middle of wicked rain. I dont like +being manipulated +bring treated like im sturpid +being taken for granted +being teased on something im pretty serious about +stupid people +manja people +people who show up w/o an appointment +worries +small talks +being scrutinized +typing sms +Typical Jakartan girls. Or boys +interminable questioning or blabbering +whiskey. yuck. +tiny little details of everything. It makes me wanna run "the home alone" way, screaming my head off, arms way above my head going aaaaaaaaaaa +being bored +japanese girls. sorry. no reason. I just dont. they bug me +Italian guys. yes. same reason. they bug me
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all around me My e-mail My poetic side Sign my guest book On writing Ive been scribbling gibbers and jabbers, some non important stuff, some stuff that exist only in mu mind, for as long as i can remember. When i was like 9 yrs old, i wrote something poetic in english( based only from my knowledge of english from Six Million Dollar Man & Taxi TV series, and flaunted it to my dad. ALong in there somewhere was this line:... My brain is traffic jam (literal translation for Indonesian of I cant think. My mind is jammed.) I remembered My dad's face when he looked up at my gleaming prideful face with total confusion. It was a sight to see. From then on I was challenged to write more in English, and make such a word outta that "trafic jam" expression. I had a blast. So i continued writing. In english.
Few numbers of attempt in writing novel has been done already. Always stop halfway or sometimes the mere 10% way. I am now turning the table to screen writing and play writing. STill very much a newbie on this one, but I got software from someone who cares enuff to think that i have some potential ( I honestly think that he was just being nice). Workin on 2 stories already and its bitchiiin doin it. Always had the greates time. You know those times when you just dive into it and suddenly hours are gone, and you left with that satisfied look on your smile llike you've been feasting some really good meal with expensive wines. I always thought that I should be a writer. I should do this thing that makes me forget hours. Im just not sure if i am good enuff. ANd that sometimes kills every instinct i have or even slight skill that i seem to posess in writing and put such a huge block in my mind. But i dunno. Im having the greatest time writing. I sometimes prefer to write than talkin to people. People is scary. (and im beginning to sound like a hermit). On Love Well..this is rather difficult. I dont know really. Wisdom that comes from love usually comes with this painful pocket full of coins collected from past failures. Ya dont wanna poke them, really. But to be honest, I dont know jack
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